Jack looked at everyone, a deep green energy pulsing from his shoulder to his hand.
Bonesy: "Holy shit, what the hell is THAT!?"
Jack: "It is the dankest energy to exist m80."
Kerbin: "Okay, so why in the hell it is in your arm?!"
Jack pulled his sleeve down over his arm, somewhat obsuring the glowing energy it held.
Jack: "Because I've taken on the Kush Trials."
Celtic: "You expected that sentence to help us understand this shit?"
Midna: "I do not understand."
Ryuko: "You aren't alone there."
Jack went over to the dusty book on the table, opening it to a page near it's middle.
Jack: "Here, read."
Everyone went over to the book and read the passage Jack was pointing at. It read as follows...
"...And if yo mothafuckin ass think yo self worthy as a mothafucka, you can take these bitchin trials on. Ya'll KNOW dat shit mothafucka! But you gonna need some shit first homie. You gonna need three different bitchin flavors of Mountain Dew, I ain't talkin bout no chicken and gravy biatch! And you gonna need some straight gangsta Doritos flavors, right back up IN yo mothafuckin ass! Yo little bitch self is gonna drink one of them Dews and eat a bag of those gangsta-ass Doritos while saying them magic words. Yo ass is gonna say "Smoke weed erryday," y'all KNOW dat shit mothafucka! But you can only do that gangsta ass shit after completin these trials, ya dig? What yo gangsta ass needs to do is get the shirt off of tha un-dankest mothafucka in the Universe, tha bitchin bone of a royal skeleton, and tha dankest kush mankind has ever seen. I ain't talkin bout no chicken and gravy biatch! Then yo ass is gonna have to fight my homie tha Behemoth, right back up in yo muthafuckin ass! Then, if you gangsta enough to kill that little biatch, you can free my other homie tha Leviathan, Y'all KNOW dat shit mothafucka! Then his ass can help you 'lil gangstas on yo quest mang!..."
The squad looked away from the book and back at Jack.
Celtic: "That made my eyes bleed."
Jack: "Fuck you, this is my religion."
Memez: "How many have you done?"
Jack looked at a small green and orange notepad he had on the table beside the Bible of Weed.
Jack: "I raided Bonesy's closet for one of those bones and ate a Nacho Cheese and drank an original flavor Dew...."
Bonesy: "Wait, then how did the bone work? I'm DEFINITELY not royalty."
Jack: "Apparently you are m8."
Bonesy sat down and began thinking.
Jack: "...And I thought I had the dankest kush known to man, so I blazed up and ate a Cool Ranch and drank a Voltage, but nothing happened."
Midna: "And I can assume that you have not taken the clothes of another individual yet?"
Jack: "No, not yet. I don't know any un-dank people, much less the 'Un-dankest mothafucka in the Universe.'"
Kerbin: "I'm going to take that as a compliment."
Bonesy got up, shaking thoughts out of his head.
Bonesy: "So, how the hell will we find the 'dankest kush in the universe'?"
Jack: "I think the people of the Temple of the Dogg should know."
Kerbin threw his hands in the air in exasperation.
Kerbin: "Of fucking course you have a TEMPLE."
Spoooky: "Give me the location and I can have us there in ten minutes."
Jack: "The Temple is on 'SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY.'"
Bonesy: "Of course it is."
11 MINUTES LATER.
The squad landed on the surface of SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY, nearby where Jack said the Temple should be. A bright white building, decorated with weed leaves and a large green door, was set on top of a rolling green hill.
Bonesy: "I win the bet Spoooky, you owe me a pizza."
Spoooky: "NO DAMMIT, if it wasn't for that asteroid belt we would've been here in nine minutes."
Bonesy: "But, we didn't get here in nine minutes and you made a bet. Simply getting a pizza is far better than what I agreed to."
Midna: "What was it that you agreed to?"
Bonesy: "You DON'T want to know."
A priest emerged from the deep, jade green doors of the Temple. He walked towards the squad.
Priest: "Heeey, m80's. How's it going?"
Jack: "Heeyyy!!! Brother Clawson! Long time no see m80!"
The two Doggologists embraced each other like two brothers reunited after years.
Memez: "Gay subtext?"
Bonesy looked at Memez as he slowly raised his hand to the back of Memez's head.
Memez: "What are you-OW!"
Bonesy smacked Memez in the back of the head.
Bonesy: "Did you not read the word 'Brothers' in that sentence? Also, no incest."
Memez rubbed the back of his head.
Memez: "(mumbling) Didn't need to smack me, ya dick."
Jack excitedly bounded towards the squad.
Ryuko: "You gonna tell us who this is?"
Jack: "This is Brother Clawson of the Temple of Doggology, my good m8's."
Cartwight: "Smoke weed erryday m80's."
Midna: "I return the sentiment, although I do not understand it."
Bonesy stepped forward to face Brother Clawson.
Bonesy: "Mr.Clawson, we've come to look for....ummm what was it?"
Celtic: "The 'Dankest kush in the universe.'"
Brother Clawson visibly paled, fear showing in his eyes and his recently pissed robes.
Clawson: "We do not speak of that, after what happened."
Spoooky: "What happened?"
Clawson: "Lemme get some new robes m80's, then we talk."
Clawson went to his chambers, and the squad allowed themselves into the Temple. It was beautifully and intricately decorated, with the details of many 1337 and D4nk heroes throughout time. Clawson exited his chambers.
Kerbin: "I believe you were gonna tell us something?"
Clawson: "Yes, of course.The invaders from the Non-Dank..."
Memez: "The who? They sound like hostile anomalies."
Clawson: "They came on the day after your victory over Vorius, I believe. They stole the souls of many of our flock, and stole our gr8est possesion. The Dankestramal. The dankest, and first, kush Snoop Dog ever created. It is said that when he made this world, he bl4z3d it for ideas. The invaders swooped in on legless bodies and stole it. Their green, faceless heads forever burned into our memories. I'd hate to start a friendship with a favor, but we are not warriors, only monks. Will you retrieve the Dankestramal?."
Jack stepped forward, face to face with Clawson. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the pulsing energy and looked at Clawson.
Jack: "You know what this is, m8. And you also must know that we need some of that to complete these Trials. We accept."
Clawson looked at Jack with a look that had concern, worry and understanding rolled into one.
Clawson: "You are either amazingly stupid or enormously brave to be doing this Jack. I pray to Snoop for your safety. The last we heard the Invaders were headed to "PLZ DELETE THIS NOW KTHNXBAI." (Henceforth reffered to as "The Deletion-Wastes.") "Please be careful."
Midna: "We will attempt to, however you need not worry about us Brother Clawson. We are more than capable."
Clawson watched as they all boarded the Rickroll, Spoooky inserting the co-ordinates to The Deletion-Wastes.
Clawson: "(To himself) I hope for your sake that you aren't bragging. Smoke weed erryday, my good lads."
ON THE RICKROLL.
Spoooky: "Bonesy, same bet as last time?"
Bonesy: "Not only no, but hell no."
Memez walked out of the mess hall with a plate of nachos.
Memez: "You guys want any?"
Bonesy: "Hell yeah, hand em over m'good sir."
Memez handed Bonesy some nachos.
Bonesy: "Lay it on me."
Memez: "How can you eat if you're a skeleton?"
Bonesy looked about, flustered.
Bonesy: "Ummm w-well you see I have a small portal where my throat was, a-and it's a sacrifice to Shrek to keep me alive, a-and..."
Memez: "You don't know, do you?"
Celtic and Ryuko walked out of their quarters, clean and fully dressed (Thank fuck.)
Celtic: "Clawson said 'Green, faceless bodies.' Does that sound like those ghost things we saw when we were in Vorius?"
Memez:"How would they have survived?"
Spoooky: "Maybe fire doesn't affect 'em, they are GHOSTS after all."
Bonesy: "Then how the hell did I kill one?"
Everyone thought for a moment. Memez shrugged.
Bonesy: "Ok, we can go with that."
The squad approached The Deletion-Wastes, a barren desert planet from where none return. The squad landed on a rocky outcropping, near a dilapidated former town. Rusted buildings and cracked roads suggested that there was once a sizeable population here, but those days were long gone.
Midna: "This place portrays a certain chilling quality,does it not?"
Bonesy looked at the screen of his I-Pad- I MEAN HIGH-TECH SCANNER and looked around.
Bonesy: "Other than a couple hardy as FUCK rats and some germs, this place is very dead."
Ryuko: "But we're looking for ghosts, remember?"
Bonesy: "Infrared on, thnx Ryu."
The HIGH FOOKING TECH device showed a large, deep blue cold ball about a half mile away (Screw your European distance measuring systems.)
Kerbin: "Yeah, I haven't killed something that's already dead yet."
Bonesy: "Stop the bloodlust pl0x. There's a pretty big energy sig just across the hill a bit, maybe that's our thing?"
Memez: "Has to be, let's go."
The squad walked over the hill that the energy signature, and saw a formidable sight (Jesus, I'm inventing my own cliches. Didn't think that was possible.) Swarms of Anons were circling above the air of another larger group of Anons which in turn were surrounding a small bowl filled with the Dankestramal. A very heady scent hit the squad's nostrils, and in five seconds flat they were all contact high. That was the power of the Dankestramal.
Jack was, of course, nearly unfazed. Just a little stunned.
Spoooky: "I reallly, REALLY wanna play some Tetris right now."
Memez: "(heh) But we gotta...(haha) Fight the ghost thingies... For the war(HAHAHA)."
Kerbin was staring forward,uttering some sort of mantra to keep himself level. Jack aimed the 420NOSCOPE Rifle (As well as he could,he WAS spinning around.) and fired. The shot rocketed towards the Anons, and knocked some of them loose from the Dankestramal but otherwise had no effect.
Celtic: "I can help! I can help!"
Celtic ran towards the Anons, The Sword of Blatant Ripoffs raised, and fell face first into the sand ten feet away from where he started to run.
Celtic: "(Awe-struck face) IS THIS SUGAR?!? I like sugar."
Celtic began to lick the desert, as the Anons began to launch their attack. A small group of them floated speedily towards the high-as-fuck squad. Kerbin opened his eyes, his mantra screamed towards the heavens.
Kerbin: "ALL I FUCKING WANTED..."
Kerbin lept into the air, ripping the smaller group asunder.
Kerbin: "WAS TO BE A MOTHERFUCKING..."
Kerbin jumped off of the head of a smaller Anon into a larger coud of them.
Kerbin ripped the heads off of the Anons mid flight. He landed near the Dankestramal when a very large Anon with gored out holes where his eyes should of been floated towards him. He raised his weapon, two bloody spoons, and let out an ethereal screech. Kerbin roared at it and they began trading blows.
Kerbin: "BUT NOOOOO, MOMMY WANTED A WEAPONS ENGINEER!!"
Kerbin jumped onto the back of the Elder Anon as it tried to fly away.
Kerbin: "JOHNNY GOT TO BE A DAMN FAIR PARK MANAGER, BUT ME??? I'M BASHING WEAPONS PARTS TOGETHER EVERY WEEKEND!!
He climbed further up it's back, nearing it's head.
Kerbin: "WELL YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT?!?"
He dug his kangaroo claws into the giant Anon's neck and pulled up. A loud squelch resounded from the Elder Anon, and Kerbin hefted it's head and launched it at the final group of Anons.
Kerbin: "I'M GONNA BE A BARBER AFTER THIS DAMMIT!!"
Kerbin landed on the desert, panting as the Elder Anon's body fell beside him twitching.
Memez: "Wait..(heh heh) if they're ghosts 'n shit...(hahaha)..How does Kerbin get his hands on them? Like, physically."
Bonesy was straddling a nearby tree.
Kerbin grabbed a container and stored the Dankestramal. Just as he put it in the container, everyone's high ended. Bonesy looked at the tree in front of him.
Bonesy: "There was a supermodel here like, five seconds ago."
Midna popped out over a nearby hill, her hair stuck up at odd angles.
Midna: "There appears to be an inflatable Shia Lebouf and a small egg. I do not understand the events that have transpired."
Ryuko popped out beside her, hair equally unkempt.
Ryuko: "Whatever happened, I'm NOT responsible."
Kerbin walked over to Jack and handed him the container.
Kerbin: "Also, do you want a haircut?"
Celtic stood up from his spot on the ground, spitting out sand and various debris.
Celtic: "Why was there sand in my mouth?"
Bonesy: "Why was there no supermodel here? We all have questions, let's just get back to the ship."
BACK AT THE RICKROLL.
Jack looked at the container holding the Dankestramal.
Bonesy: "Well, we got it. What do you need to do?"
Jack: "I need to blaze it and then drink the stuff and say the words."
Memez: "Seems legit."
Everyone picked up and put on some nearby gas masks (Because we have those for some reason.) as Jack opened the container. He picked up some wrapping paper and the food he needed and roll'd up. He bl4z3d it, ate the food and said.
Jack: "Smoke weed erryday."
When he said that, a deep green light pulsed in his eyes and a portal formed in the smoke that rose from the Dankestramal. Three rainbow frogs bounced their heads around to the suddenly playing "Dankrude-Weedstorm." They looked at Jack and puffed rainbow smoke at him. He breathed it in deeply, and in a flash, everything went back to normal. Jack looked at everyone, his arm now pulsing a brighter green.
Memez: "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED????"
Jack: "I don't think you guys should know. It may be 2dank4you."
Bonesy: "Let's just....let that image sit for a while before we go back to SWED (Smoke Weed ErryDay, in case you fail at understanding anagrams)."
The squad took a brisk nap, had a shower to rid themselves of the weed smell (Although Bonesy's suit was ruined.). They had a nice lunch and met back at Central Command to head off to SWED. They got there in a little over nine minutes. Brother Clawson greeted them on their way to the Temple.
Clawson: "AH, my good lads! Have you brought us the Dankestramal?"
Jack handed Clawson the container.
Celtic: "Do you have anything like that? That you can give to people, of course."
Clawson: "There's some in baggies that we give to Initiates, grab some of them if you want."
Celtic: "THNX. Ryu, come on."
Celtic and Ryu went off towards the Temple in search of the Initiate's weed stash.
Clawson: "I noticed that the Dankestramal is somewhat lighter...."
Bonesy: "We're sorry for that, if you have a dangerous area needing cleansing or a precious artfiact returned we'll do it for free and...."
Clawson grabbed Bonesy's jaw and put it on backwards.
Clawson: "It's OKAY my boney friend, if this ritual is a success then you do us the GREATEST favor. You will prove Doggology to the world!"
Bonesy grabbed his jaw and put it back on his face.
Bonesy: "(muttering) dick..."
Clawson: "Now go, and help this Temple."
ON THE RICKROLL
Memez: "Who the hell is the 'un-dankest mo'fucka in tha universe.'?"
Bonesy pulled the Dimension Edge out of his pocket.
Bonesy: "We can look for him.Or her.I don't know."
Spoooky: "Let's get you ready for a spacewalk."
Bonesy put on the spacesuit, and floated a couple hundred feet in front of the Rickroll. He swung the Dimesion Edge in front of him. It took the squad a while to find a universe that the thought contain the "Un-dankest mo'fucka in the universe."
The first dimension only held HAIPUR RELASTUK BL0000DS!!!1ONE1!!!!!, and THAT didn't help the squad out at all. It just kind of floated off in a vaguely southern direction.
The next was the Disco Party dimension. The squad just closed that one in disgust. But the last one held some semblance of hope. The Simpsons universe.
Bonesy: "I think that there's someone here that the universe could consider the 'un-dankest.'"
Midna: "(on radio) And who might that person be?"
Ned Flanders walked out of his home on an early thursday morning to pick up the daily newspaper. He took a deep breath of the crisp morning air and shouted out.
Ned: "GOOD DING-DONG-DIDDLY MORNING SPRINGFIELD!"
A collective groan and a couple "Fuck you"'s sprang out from various houses near his.
Ned: "These darn heretics need our Lord and Savior. Humph."
Ned walked back into his house. Or he would have if there was a house to walk back into. All that remained was a smoldering crater and a spaceship. Seven figures exited the ship.
Bonesy: "Nice landing, Spoooky. Nearly crashed the ship, again."
Spoooky: "No one told me there was a HOUSE here!"
Memez: "You landed in a FREAKING SUBURB! OF COURSE THERE ARE GOING TO BE HOUSES!!"
Midna: "Everyone calm your minds. We need to search for the man known as 'Ned Flanders'"
Ned: "WHAT THE DING-DARN-DIDDLY DO DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE???"
Celtic: "Are you Ned Flanders?"
Ned: "You're the Devil's Children, aren't you?"
Bonesy: "NO,uuuummm, we're from Goodwill! Yeah, a-and we need clothes for the homeless people of Springfield."
Ned: "Well then why didn't you diddly-darn say so?"
Ned took the shirt off of his back, revealing almost Herculean body structure, and handed it to Bonesy.
Spoooky: "Holy shit."
Bonesy lifted his suit and looked at his bare ribcage.
Jack: "Well thank you kind sir, may the homeless people of Springfield smile upon you."
Bonesy looked at the salivating Spoooky.
Bonesy: "Let's go, before Spoooky devours this guy."
Everyone piled into the Rickroll (Spoooky somewhat reluctantly) and prepared Jack for the final step of the ritual. Everyone waited outside Jack's door.
Memez: "Why the hell was the last ingredient in a magical spell a SHIRT??"
Bonesy: "Well, it was either that or his blood and that's pretty disgusting."
Memez: "Yeah, i guess that is. BUT WHY A SHIRT??"
Bonesy: "Just deal with it dammit."
Jack: "(from inside the room) GUYS, GET IN HERE NOW!!"
The squad bursted into Jack's quarters, and saw a deep green portal pulsing from the energy in his arm. It formed a deep green crystalline structure as the portal stabilized. The energy was gone from Jack's arm. Everyone looked inside the portal. It was an immense desert, and a large pure white creature was seen walking around the neverending expanse. It was covered in white,armored plates, and its head had a large shovel-like bone protruding from it's chin. It's tail was long and had a sharp blade at it's end. It was about the size of the Empire State Building.
Bonesy: "If I didn't have to kill that thing I would ride it into battle and love it like a son."
Kerbin: "Should we give heartwarming stories about what we WOULD do with it, or are we gonna kill it?"
Bonesy lowered the setting on the Bass Cannon to "Hover".
Bonesy: "I have a plan. It's probably gonna get us killed, but it's a plan."
The squad ran into the portal, weapons drawn and expectations low. They neared the beast named Behemoth. It turned and roared an ear-shattering roar.
Bonesy: "EVERYONE JUMP, NOW!!"
Everyone jumped into the air, and Bonesy fired at their feet launching them to the head of the creature. They tried using their weapons on the creature to no avail. It's natural hide was too thick.
Celtic: "BONESY, IT'S GOT TOO MUCH ARMOR. WE CAN'T BREAK IT!"
The beast attempted to shake the squad off of their current position, very nearly loosing them from it's head. Bonesy fired the Bass Cannon from underneath him, rocketing him up to the rest of the squad. The beast let out another roar, and jumped high into the air. It buried itself into the sand, dislodging the squad.
Memez: "(koff koff) Where the hell is it???"
Bonesy: "Somewhere underneath us. Oh shit that's scary as fuck."
Midna: "(koff koff) I thought your fears were dealt with."
Bonesy: "No, I faced my fears. They still scare the hell out of me."
The squad felt the earth tremble beneath them, and then they found themselves at least near the cloud barrier. Behemoth had lauched them high into the air by resurfacing underneath them.
Bonesy: "HOLD ON!!"
Jack: "SNOOP DOG PLS HOLY SHIT!"
The squad fell out of the air at near Sanic speed, as Bonesy fiddled with a knob on the side of the Bass Cannon. Just as they neared the ground, Bonesy fired the Plot Devi.. I MEAN Bass Cannon and a cushion of wubs slowed their descent to a mere crawl. Behemoth was a few miles away, but that wasn't far for the giant monster.
Memez: "Well shit, what do we do?"
Bonesy: "I have a plot devi..I MEAN plan. Celtic, put the Sword of Blatant Ripoffs over your head!"
Bonesy: "Everyone, fire your weapons at it!"
Celtic: "WAIT, WHAT???"
Bonesy let a fully charged Waveform Beam hit the Sword, and the vivid reds and blues danced around the blade like electricity around a live wire. Midna let a blast of energy loose from the Twilight Mirror, and the dark energy wrapped around the blade just as the Waveform did. Behemoth was getting closer. Jack let loose three shots from the 420NOSCOPE Rifle, and it's d4nk energies fused like the others. Kerbin fired the Banstick, and the Banium pellets circled the Sword like planets in a galaxy. Behemoth was nearly upon them when the energies turned to a pure gold.
Celtic brought the Sword into a wide arc, throwing off the combined energies into a crescent moon of power. The pure gold wave hit the neck of Behemoth, and it's head fell down like a meteor. It's body fell soon after, knocking the squad off of their feet with a crashing tremor. They scrambled back up.
Celtic: "Can we ever do that sword thing again?"
Bonesy: "No, because Mary and Gary Stu's are not good characters."
Midna: "What should happen now Jack?"
Jack thought for a moment, but before he could say anything a bright white light descended from the sky, revealing the one and only...
Jack: "SNOOP DOGG????"
Snoop: "Wuz good, my little gangstaizzles?"
Jack squealed like any worshipper of the Dogg would, but quickly sobered.
Jack: "Umm, yeah, so w-what was that about L-Leviathan?"
Snoop let out a hearty laugh, before looking at each member of the squad.
Snoop: "So y'all aready know 'bout them Trializzles? Well, you can have my homie Leviathan, but only at a priceizzle."
Memez leaned over to Bonesy.
Memez: "This is EXTREMELY anomalous, you know."
Bonesy: "What's the price?"
Snoop: "Which one of you was enough of a gangsterizzle to start the Kush Trializzles?"
Jack: "Me, Mr. Dogg."
Snoop: "Just call me Snoop, my 'lil pimped out ganstaizzle. Man, I'm sorry, but the price is yo life my nizzle."
Bonesy stepped between Jack and Snoop.
Bonesy: "You aren't sending him to some sort of Weed Hell."
Snoop: "Of course not, my 'lil boneizzle friendizzle! He goin with me, and we gonna blaze it for all eternity. Man, I even got ALL the godly video gameizzles. Half-Life 3, Call of Duty: This One Doesn't Suck, Portal 1 through sevenizzle mang."
Celtic: "Wait, so YOU'RE the reason we don't have Half-Life 3?"
Bonesy: "Celtic, stfu pl0x."
Jack: "So, I guess this is goodbye."
Bonesy turned to Jack.
Bonesy: "I guess so. You better watch over us in the Eternal High, ya dipshit."
Jack let out an amused laugh.
Jack: "Hey, maybe I can even make sure you come along with me."
Bonesy: "Well then, goodbye old friend. Smoke weed erryday."
Jack: "Smoke weed erryday, my good lads."
Snoop: "Lez go. You gon' need some gangsta ass wings to get to the Eternal High tho my nizzle."
Snoop waved his hand over Jack's back, and two weed leaves sprouted out. He flapped them, and then flew off with Snoop into the Eternal High. The squad waved goodbye to their friend.
Memez: "Damn, like if you cry everytime amirite?"
A deep rumble was heard, and the skies split open to reveal a deep green portal. And from that portal rose the Dank Leviathan. It resembled Caedeus from Monster Hunter Tri (In case you haven't noticed by the design of Behemoth, it's my favorite video game series.) With a few key differences. It had a joint in it's mouth and a red hat that read "SWEG". It's powerful tail wrapped around a rifle with no scope, and a gigantic Mtn Dew bottle floated around it. The song "Dankrude-Weedstorm" played around it. It roared a mighty roar, wich sounded vaguely like "SMOKE WEED ERRYDAY".
Bonesy: "If I had a penis, I would've just creamed my pants."
Memez: "I don't know about anyone else, but I DID cream my pants."
Bonesy: "(to the Dank Leviathan) WE NEED YOUR HELP, MY SWEGGY LAD!"
The Dank Leviathan looked down at Bonesy, and said.
DL: "lol k."
Bonesy nodded, and the squad rushed back to the portal, which seemed to have quadrupled in size to accomodate the Dank Leviathan. The squad ran through it, as Bonesy went to retrieve the Dimension Edge. The Dank Leviathan floated astride the Rickroll, and it looked like comparing an elephant to a hippo. It drank deeply from it's Mtn Dew bottle, preparing for the fight it somehow knew was coming. Bonesy strapped himself into his spacesuit, and floated a couple hundred feet in front of the Leviathan. The Dimension Edge tore through the Wikiverse, and the squad saw the same Death Star-esque abomination as before. The cannons in D.Bonesy's eyes tracked the crew, and fired a Waveform Beam of very crappily made dubstep. The dark red beams neared the squad, but then the Dank Leviathan floated between them. It's chest shone a deep green as it absorbed the Waveform, before releasing it's own attack. It fired a rainbow-colored beam of dankness from it's mouth, exploding the armor of the D.Bonesy Death Star. The cannons were destroyed, but the planet beneath the armor was revealed. Spoooky piloted the Rickroll towards the planet, which they assumed D.Bonesy and his crew would be.
Bonesy: "(staring out of the forward window in the Rickroll) I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch."
They piloted near the planet, but just then, the comm-unit showed no less than twenty rainbow colored dots leaving the surface of that planet. RD missiles neared the Rickroll, but the Leviathan launched liquid Dew from it's bottle. It hardened around the Rickroll just as the RD missiles hit the shield. They bounced harmlessly off of the powerful material, and disintegrated. The missile silos were empty, and the Squad could land safely on the planet. They lowered themselves onto it's surface of the Snoop-forsaken planet.
Bonesy: "(to DL) Watch around the skies, and kill anything that tries to get us first."
The Leviathan went slightly below the cloud barrier and flew around the spot that the Squad was at. They entered a large home that they saw from the skies that they presumed to be D.Bonesy's by the simple fact that it was an exact model of his head.
Memez: "Does he know vanity is a sin?"
Spoooky: "Probably not, he has too much money for brain cells."
Bonesy blasted the door off of it's hinges. And D.Bonesy was revealed to be waiting behind it.
D.Bonesy: "You guys again?? Oh man! THIS IS GONNA BE A FUCKING WONDERFUL TIME!!"
D.Bonesy raised his Revolver, but Kerbin blasted it from his hands.
Kerbin: "Hard to kill us when we're up and conscious, isn't it?"
D.Bonesy pulled another from his belt, and Bonesy blew his entire hand off. D.Bonesy looked at the stump, which had cauterized like Luke Skywalkers hand.
D.Bonesy: "HOLY FUCKING FUCK FUCKITY SHIIIIIIT!!!!"
D.Bonesy flopped onto the floor, and Bonesy popped a panel out of the Bass Cannon, revealing the Bass Gem stored inside. He grabbed it and thrust it into D.Bonesy's face. He found that he could'nt look away.
Bonesy: "Killing you wouldn't do your crimes a fair justice. So i'm stealing your soul. Say hello to Satan for me."
A dark mist crawled from D.Bonesy's mouth, into the Bass Gem. His body flopped lifelessly to the ground.
Memez: "That felt fuckin AMAZING."
Bonesy: "It's not over yet. We still need to find Veronica. Search the house!"
They didn't have to search for long. She was in a room that had a television set that apparently played "MLP:FIM" on a 24 hour repeated loop. She sat on an overly pink bed, a surprised and dazed look on her face.
Bonesy ran over to Veronica and pulled her in to a tight embrace.
He didn't see the Brony Blade she had in her hand. She raised it, and stabbed Bonesy in the back. Midna screamed.
Midna blasted Veronica furiously with the Twilight Mirror, until there was naught left but ash.
Bonesy layed upon the bed, looking at the Brony Blade in his lower spine.He pulled it out, and stood up, brushing himself off.
Memez: "WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK???"
Bonesy: "Always knew that this would come in handy one day!"
Celtic: "Knew WHAT would come in handy one day?"
Bonesy: "Ready for a flashback to Vorius?"
Spoooky: "If it would explain this shit, then yes."
FLASHBACK TO NO.2
Bonesy: "Dammit Celtic, Wait until I can find a better spine before you get us into a fight, this scoliosis is really shit for fighting."
Bonesy: "It's still a shitty spine..."
Bonesy lifted up the front of his suit. The odd curvature of his spine caused by scoliosis went around the hole in his suit. Midna walked over to Bonesy, and hugged him tightly.
Bonesy: "What's happening?"
Midna: "I thought you were dead for the second time this week. Would you please stop doing that?"
Bonesy: "I promise I won't fake deaths again."
Kerbin walked into the room, as he was investigating other rooms.
Kerbin: "And if this piece of bad fanfic is over, can I divert your attention to THIS room?"
Bonesy: "What's in it?"
Kerbin: "Come over and find out."
The squad walked over to the room in question out of curiosity. They saw something amazing. A room stacked high with gemstones and precious metals.
Celtic: "WOAH, HOLY SHIT!"
Memez: "We HAVE been running low on funds..."
Spoooky: "Dibs on the diamond crown."
The squad grabbed as many of the jewels as they could, being doubly sure to kick the body of D.Bonesy as they walked out. They piloted themselves out of the tear the Dimension Edge created. But Celtic stopped Bonesy from closing it.
Bonesy: "Why shouldn't i?"
Celtic: "I've got a better idea."
Celtic grabbed a radio from his quarters and spoke into it.
Celtic: "This is Username TCF, authorization code Y'iff. Send Antibronium special to co-ords 123-790-231-064."
The squad watched as a streak of silver launched itself onto the planet, and exploded, reducing the planet to rubble.
Memez: "Remind me not to fuck with you.Like,EVER."
Bonesy: "Let's get some sleep, guys. Good work."
The Dank Leviathan (Who was beside the ship, not still on the planet mind you.) roared and in a flash, went back to the Bong-water oceans it came from.
The squad walked to their individual quarters and went to a sound, unbroken slumber.
Bonesy, Memez and Celtic woke up, realizing that they weren't on the Rickroll anymore. A thick figure was in front of them, but it was too dark to see who (Or what) it was.
Bonesy: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??"
Memez: "Damn, it's like that night in Tijuana."
The figure waved it's hand over it's head, to reveal a fedora-wearing fat neckbeard. He spoke to the current party with a slight lisp.
???: "Hello, m'lords *tips fedora*. You are probably wondering who this majestically intelligent man before you is."
Bonesy: "Whatever floats yer boat, man."
The neckbeard looked at them with a "Holier-than-thou" kind of look. He waved his hands above his head, and a spotlight revealed Ryuko, Midna and Spoooky tied to chairs and floating.
???: "My name is Alexander Cartwright the Third, and I am the NECKBEARD GOD!!"
TO BE CONTINUED...